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Grand Rapids, MI

The "Make America Unfortunate Again" Collection


Hello, fortunate consumers!

Thank you for engaging with our product. You have now reached the purchasing stage. Don't fuck this up. Put in your credit card information. Join the revolution. Save the planet. Replenish the oceans. Save your marriage. Undo the past. Relive your best moments. Take the opportunities you missed. Write that novel. Travel the world. Kiss her when you had the chance. Work hard. Nurture your talents. Be there for your kids. The world is counting on you. A better life is just a cookie away. Buy buy buy BUY!! #blessed

The "Make America Unfortunate Again" Collection

Trump Cookie Partial Blur.jpg
Trump Cookie Partial Blur.jpg
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The "Make America Unfortunate Again" Collection


(NOTE: In light of the presidential election results, 100 percent of the proceeds from sales of this cookie set will be donated to local and statewide organizations whose work offsets the likely consequences of a Donald Trump administration.)


You helped take your country back!

It happened! Following Donald J. Trump's landslide victory in the 2016 general election, America became great again! These cookies come from a few decades into future, when President-For-Life Trump is embarking on his sixth term, our southern border is protected by a glorious, rapist-proof wall, and the region formerly known as the Midwest is an irradiated hellscape populated by warring tribes who worship the sun and trade currency bearing His Lordship's gleaming visage.

This collection of fortune cookies provides the guidance you'll need to tackle everyday problems in this exciting new world, such as: How many concubines should you demand in exchange for the necklace of human teeth you won in the Battle of Blood Gorge? What kind of wine should you consume from a vanquished enemy's skull? How can you employ the principles outlined in "The Art of the Deal" to coalesce your power within the salt-mine encampment? Only That's Unfortunate can help.

Sampled wisdom:

  • "The distant sound of hoofbeats heralds exciting new challenges. You will beg for your life in a stadium."
  • "Your mastery of 'The Art of the Deal' will be instrumental in brokering a fragile peace between the rival leper colonies."

  • "You will reach your professional peak about a month from now, when His Excellency consumes sushi off your naked body."

  • "Hide."

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