You think our hand-crafted and inspirational artisan fortune cookies, branded lifestyle content and relationship counseling services just happen by themselves, don't you? Actually, behind every one and zero beats an Unfortunate heart. Each of our content incubation dojos repurposes a crumbling downtown building -- yuck! -- into a collaborative, hyper-synergistic, gentri-fabulous Idea Zone, staffed by energetic, savvy interns of legal working age (our legal team has advised us to stress this) who devote each waking breath to helping you live the Unfortunate Life. Meet the local crew:
April Surcharge (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Pop-culture correspondent. Netflix junkie. Craft ninja. Honorary Gilmore Girl. Kitten sherpa. Ramen aficionado. Channing Tatum restraining order recipient. Craft beer lover.
Blaine Dreyfuss (email@example.com)
Lifestyle content supervisor. Quantum bacon theoretician. Snapchat warlock. Sports fantasizer. Dog whisperer. Cassette enthusiast. Paleo Jedi. Karaoke analyst. Craft beer lover.
Layla Quadruple (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Viral media specialist. Content curator. Thinkpiece scolar. Slogan internalizer. Realtime placemaker. Digital thought leader. Craft beer lover.
Chad Harbinger (email@example.com)
Fashion strategist. Clothing wearer. Furniture occupant. Motorist. Pedestrian. Sometime conversation participant. Product purchaser/consumer. Food digester. Craft beer lover.
The Nothing (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Brand outreach manager. All-consuming existential void. Devourer of dreams and imagination. Pure manifestation of human deceit, cynicism and apathy. Bringer of oblivion. Craft beer lover.